Senin, 13 Februari 2017

orang lagi depresi ga mau denger ini

kata-kata yang ga mau didengerin oleh orang depresi* :
" kamu harusnya bersyukur masih banyak orang yang lebih ga beruntung dari kamu blah blah blah."
 " kamu terlalu sensitif. biasa aja kali."
" baper."  
if you care enough.... PLEASE.... berhenti ucapkan kata2 itu. 

*been there T.T

Rabu, 08 Februari 2017

Senin, 06 Februari 2017

Lagu Yang Mewakili

this one is the song that represents best to what i'm feeling. love the lyrics. love the music. so emotional. 
so true, John! so fucking true!
no wonder why i listen to this everytime. if i'm about to pick the backsong of my life, so this is it.

Stop This Train
(credit to

No, I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind
but I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I wanna get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But, honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it,
Don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I wanna get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
but, honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find a way to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said, "Help me understand."
He said, "Turn 68,
you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly, we'll never stop this train."

Once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'Til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing, "Stop this train
I wanna get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
'Cause now I see I'll never stop this train."

(think I got 'em now)

blessing who dresses like a nightmare

i am receiving my gift.
this is the gift.
by all means if this is the kind of failure people talked about.
then i am a failure.
havent finished her undergrad degree yet. no boyfriend. no money.
thats what i feel about my self. thats what people see about me too at least that's what i think.
if i change my mindset that all this failure ain't what they think they knew.
will it change the energy much?

i still have that feeling, that cynical thought that people will see me the way it appears to be.
is it always as simple and as plain as that?
it's even more complicated than i thought.
i dont even dream this.
i dont even want this.
living like this made me sick.
made me sad, feeling blue. all the time.
i feel like a walking dead although i got what people think they're dreaming of what i have.
born and raised in a wealthy family who love me much.
high reputable schools.
but i feel a void.
i feel like incomplete.
i feel misserable.
i feel this is not what i want, not what i dreamed of.
i feel lost.
but if i got a chance to change my mind that all of what i am feeling right now is a gift...
that i feel lost, misserable, incomplete, void, like a walking dead,,,
will people believe me?
i have a thought that people seemed hard to believe this not a girl not yet a woman who neeeds 7 years to get her bachelor degree? so she shut up.
will people believe that all this missery is actually a path that i will be having a great spiritual journey?
will people believe me?
are their opinion matters?
do i have to try so hard to make them believing me that i have dignity?
do i really need to prove them wrong about me?
or i am the one who really need to be proved that my thought was wrong.
that i was wrong about myself. that i got myself wrong.
that their opinion doesn't really matter anymore.
because i got someone to be convinced that all this feeling leads me to a gift. a blessing. blessing who dresses like a nightmare.
who is that person?
that's me.